10/24/10

I am in love........

Today we received the "lifetime photos" for our sperm donor. I was so excited to receive the pics that I parked in my driveway to tear open the package. Take a deep breath I think and I do. I open the package to see this young man I will one day thank for helping me possibly create my family. He seems happy which makes me happy. I love him instantly, happy he is helping me. He probably has no idea how grateful I am to him. I must say, thank you God, Yahweh, Buddha, Universe, etc........ THANK YOU! Our son or daughter could have this natural kindness, happiness I pray. I get so hopeful each time..... However, if you are like my Mom and others, you are a skeptic and think pictures lie. Pictures tell you nothing. I don't believe that though. I know from his face and his live interview he is thoughtful and loving and if those are genes then our baby will inherit that! I also note he seems a bit sad on his latest picture and I wonder why. Well I know why, with age comes a certain loss of freedom. You cannot be oblivious to pains forever. I think about his pics a little more. Then I hurriedly took pics to send to my airmen/woman, GF. I should wait to wake her. But what the hell, I could not wait. She is five hours behind me but I know she wants to see him too. We seldom agree on much but INSTANTLY we both loved this donor. His young face seems warm I tell my GF, just as his voice did. She says he is cute. Yep, he is but I am more interested in that happy piece. As she asks about the various pics (you get pics from all stages of life), I pray. Please let this be the one, let ten be my lucky number, oh and let me have twins so I do not have to go through the needles again;-). If I am gonna ask for favors, may as well do it big....hehe! So basically what you can learn about a donor is cryobank dependent. You can get quite a few things to help you make your decision. God knows I went from having a team of friends to thin out my searches to flat out refusing donors that were not "genius" sperm. Genius sperm means they have a doctorate in something. I was worried since we know so little about genes that I did not want to sell them short on wits. I was nuts with deciding at first. Frankly, I was getting overwhelmed very quickly when my Mom called and had me watch an Oprah show regarding donor conceived children. I was horrified at how angry some, well really all, except for one of these offsprings were. I also did not really like the "genius" sperm donors. They seemed callous, did it for money. Simply stated, they FELT WRONG! I quickly changed my focus. My choice in donors came down to three things, disease states, how willing I thought they would be if our child wanted to meet them and one question. That one question weighed a lot because at the end of the day, I want a child who can be happy. The question is what would you say to your offspring if you could say one thing. You would be surprised what some will say but basically our sperm donor said what is my basic philosophy, "To thine own self be true." And he looked forward to meeting them one day. I did not want a donor who wanted to parent but I also did not want a donor who would be insane at meeting a child.

I guess I want to send a personal thank you to men who donate sperm. I hope they understand their sperm could possibly go to a lesbian or a lesbian couple like me. I really appreciate all the donors whose sperm I have used in my efforts to create my baby too. Now in a few more weeks, I will start this journey again and maybe ten will be it for me. Fingers and toes crossed!

Stay Classy, E

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