Maybe you wanted to laugh today. If so, don’t read my post. I am not feeling funny. Today seemed like I watched myself outside of my body as I made it through work. I saw me but I wasn’t there. I guess you need some background on how I became this seemingly mess of a person. I am a 38 year old lesbian trying to conceive. My life has been consumed with conceiving to no avail for almost three years. People love to tell you to never give up but I wish they would shut the F#$K up! I am a woman who succeeds. Whatever I want, I work at it and I get it. That is my genetic make up. I decide it, and it shall be. Well, it was who I was…… Its unfortunate and very humbling for me trying to conceive as I was trained and reared to be successful. Who knew there were miracles? Real miracles on earth! I guess I know now, because making a baby really appears to be miraculous as there is nothing I can do, no test I can pass, nothing I can eat, no one I can pay to conceive, nothing to bring me my baby I so desperately want.
So today I met with RE, Reproductive Endocrinologist again to go over what happened. I fought to not stare out the window and pay attention. But frankly I am bored with the details. I just want my baby. I listen how we would implant more eggs in me this time and how I would hopefully get better eggs. I studied eggs all night and how they multiply after fertilization. They grade eggs you know. Anyhow, the finale of the story is I will start giving myself shots in the butt again and shots in my stomach sometime in November. I do not know how I felt about it. I guess the appointment went well, but I am pass caring about the process. I am looking for my results. Instead of say this to my doctor though, I do what I always do. I smiled gracefully and said thank you and left. But this is just the infertility part of me. There is so much more to my life these days like “the relationship”…. But you just met me so tune in for more on how my life unfolds.
And stay classy,
E
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