3/22/11

I should know better....

Rumor around my job is I am pregnant. Boy I hope so but getting hopes up devastate. I could be offended bc it could be a sign of weight gain but people who see me outside of work garb ask am I losing weight so I am not SO PISSED OFF. After trying for three years I cannot wait to tell people I am pregnant. What if I am? I have promised not to take pregnancy tests prematurely and I won't. I am going to wait and let the blood test tell me. I feel no different. I am very happy but that is for a bunch of reasons. One, I am not letting my GF irritate me. Two, I am not dealing with any one or any situation that is not handled with maturity. Three, fuck my job and I pretty much told my boss that. I am not doing what she says anymore or my other one million bosses. Four, people who are of personal drain and downers have just been sent virtual divorce decrees. I no longer need some people. Its not personal they just drain me and I do not need it. I have work to do. I want to be a better me, so I can be a fabulous Mom and a fabulous person.

Thanks television stations btw for all of the dumb ass shows because I will definitely be reading alot. I hate reality shows and thanks to you, the kids I am able to conceive will never watch an IDIOT BOX! Fingers crossed for pregnancy!

3/19/11

Eleven Tries

I am tough. I never knew it before but after this process I realize I am tough. Today I went through my third egg transfer and I made it. I have tried to conceive since 2008. ELEVEN TIMES I have tried. I have faith that I will be pregnant soon. I admit I am bitter it has taken so long but a positive pregnancy test will cure that for me. What will I do? How will I live? How will I offer my child stability. I do not know any of that yet. This time I am just going to wait. Not patiently but wait.