I have fifty million projects and I suddenly get what life will be for me. I have sat around all day for a fucking handyman who never showed. When my GF comes to town she takes care of none of these things for me or helps in any way. But she is geeked to go to Hawaii, her next permanent station to live for three years. She is geeked over some award she is getting and completely self absorbed as usual. And it has worn on me. I am sick of it and her.
I on the other hand, am feeling lower than low and wondering what have I accomplished, has my life progressed. My friend Marlo just adopted a baby girl. Everyone is moving along as I head to my next break-up, another disappointment. I am tired of my GF and I am almost completely done with it. How can I continue to love someone I cannot respect. Who allows people to disrespect me. I guess because she bought me this big ring I thought somehow it was definitely love. But all she does is say it with little action. I do not mind giving the ring back either. I do not care, a ring that does not symbolize shit I don't need.
If I need help I cannot ask her and it is just how I felt with my ex. They help "other" women but not me. I just cannot do it anymore.
So what life will be for me, is me trying to handle everything always with no help. I do not need another person in my life who does not add to me. I just do not see any thing that I get from this any more if I ever did. I am in a bad place with her. But whatever, I made plans to start IVF and go to adoption class. I do not believe the old saying, there is someone for everyone. Not if they mean as in lover. I have friends. I have friends that were made for me, but not a mate. Signed, E
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