Oh And.....

I forgot to add I am not pregnant again. I was so sure. This is what started my final fight with my girlfriend. I got the news at my desk and I cried at my desk some. I had to leave work early and then I sobbed all the way home. My GF said to me, "she did not come from a family where they sulked over things." She told me I needed to get over it. I did get over it but not before I went ballistic on her. I cursed her out and I talked about her families pains and what I knew they sulked over.  I was in pain. The hope and wishing almost killed me.  How dare she say that to me.  I could see my kids wrapped around my ankles. I dream about holding them, having them. I see their faces of what I think they will look like.  They would have my eyes and her calm demeanor.  I dreamed of walking them to school.  I know their names.  I screamed at her for not being able to show me any compassion. Its like I lose them every time I think as I cried to her on the phone.   She was like whatever basically.  I see the eggs they put in me though.  Its a life I think. Its a life I cry.  So comes my twelfth try.  Now I wonder do I give up.  They are supposed to be here, my children.  I have to keep trying.  If it kills me I will have them.