In Malcolm Gladwell's book, Outliers, it does and in my relationship I think age matters. Though my GF is only a few months younger than me, she would have been a grade behind me too. We entered adulthood therefore at different times. We therefore handle life's situations very different. Yes everyone gets to be different but some things I just cannot take at almost 38. I am close to leaving this relationship and I have told her this but she does not get how serious I am. I have made drastic changes but due to youthfulness and thinking love conquers all she believes love wins out. Lots of people have claimed love and left someone. When I recognize she was getting sad in Iraq I sent her couples questions daily, love stories about her and I via a kind of mad lib for adults, I sent her a site for us to do a virtual wedding and so on. As you can see I became creative. Then it dawned on me. She said she never wrote her GF or anything while she was away. I realized she was doing this to me. Constant pressure to inseminate. Hell, I was waiting on an okay for a biopsy. It seems like she is trying to recreate her past relationship or she thinks children will cure whatever voids she has due to her family. Either way I cannot fill any voids. I wanted to end until she got counseling because I think her issues are too great for me and I have no idea how to help anyone with issues. I also do not want to help someone with the type of issues she has. Why is it so hard to find someone ready for a relationship minus ENORMOUS familial issues. Can Black people ever identify when to seek help, professional help and not Jesus. I believe Black people can become so fixated on Jesus and praying that they do not get Jesus created the founder of psychology and psychiatrists, psychologists, etc..., so it is cool to go to them. So basically if my GF thinks I try to do something she retaliates. I told her I could do this as well but I hadn't till lately. Why devote so much time and she doesn't? Isn't that what has frustrated me in my previous relationships? Of course she is at war, but she takes spin, aerobics, they have parties, old school nights, etc.... She told me she knows she has not been doing what she is supposed to and just like that I changed. She just ask me is something wrong? Why mention it? She cannot ever see past what she feels and that is youthful isn't it? Just so many things I cannot take at 37 that I could at 27. Though I often say I love who I was, I love who I am becoming too now lately. I am much stronger, not this breakable girl, falling for everyone's bullshit. I finally have become who I need to be to parent and well, to conquer my greatest fears. So I am only giving people a short time to get it right in my life. I am not living in the shadows of other women, not listening to a million excuses. No more am I tolerating less than I deserve. I have done enough of that to date. Well let me lay back for a minute and reflect on life then I will catch up on email.
Signed,
E
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